Rules for a One Night Stand
A guy and a girl are hanging out for the first time. They go for drinks at a bar. While having a conversation about dating and relationships the guy says “I don’t want to be with a girl who’s been around the block a couple of times.”
Yes they do! Because at the end of a date they obviously are going to try and sleep with you, whether or not they like you. Two words: beer goggles.
So, the guy and the girl end up getting pretty drunk and the next thing they know they are back in one of their bedrooms with their clothes… well… there are no clothes. The girl doesn’t want to be a slut, so instead of giving it all she’s got, instead, she just lays there.
Now not only does the guy think she’s a slut, he also thinks that she sucks in bed. See, look what you just did!
The morning after, the girl gets upset and suddenly exclaims “Oh my god, I just want you to know, I never do this!”
Yes, you do, you just did! I don’t know what’s worse, telling the guy that, or just not saying anything at all. Every guy knows that girls always use that line and they’re full of shit.
Afterwards, if the guy is decent, he will probably feel bad, so he will show some affection; tell the girl she’s beautiful, he had a great time, she was great in bed, he wants to hang out again, etc.
Oh, great. Now the girl thinks she’s found “the one,” and it’s going to be some extravagant love story just like in the movies. Well, guess what, unless you’re an actor and this is your scene in a movie, IT’S NOT HAPPENING! Just because you heard this happened to your friends sisters best friend, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to you, too.
Days go by and she doesn’t hear from him. Girl does some Facebook stalking, because we all know that’s what we do. She sees he has way too many female friends, comments and photos.
This means war! Whatever happened to the days of the Commodore 64 and the Zack Morris phone? The internet has given females a whole new outlook on stalking. Ahh, remember the days when leaving a maxi pad with ketchup on a guys windshield sufficed as getting even? No? Okay, never mind then.
And so, I hope this helps. If you can refer to any of these situations, then hey, at least you’re getting some action. Which is more than I can say about myself. And if it ends up becoming a relationship, then you’re probably going to wake up and realize you fell asleep to some Katherine Heigl movie, it was just a dream and you’re still alone and single with hopes that you’re next Vegas vacation is going to be when you find “the one.” Okay, I’m just going to shut up now.
Jen Kucsak is currently living the cliche of an unemployed writer trying to make it out in Hollywood. Eventually she is going to write, executive produce, and star in her own TV show, most likely a sitcom loosely based on her life, and the people she knows... or she'll just write a book about it. (SPOILER ALERT: If you think you may possibly be in this show and/or book, please contact her now if you are not interested. Sadly, if you are crazy, you will most likely be in it anyways. Jen sincerely apologizes in advance for any inconvenience).
